Being completely present, creative, and curious about the world around us is one of the gifts of childhood. No matter how difficult or simple our lives were as children, we didn’t base every experience or filter every new person we met on painful past events. Yet as adults today, this seems to be the gist of modern social life. We can call it a survival tactic if we want to get technical, but if we want to give hope to the situation, consider it as contagious programming or neurological feedback loop that has not been allowed to fully come to the surface in the collective consciousness as something that we can and MUST transform for our society’s benefit.
Since the 2020’s rolled around, there’s been a lot more of an awareness (or at least there needs to be) of victim mentality. This involves blaming other people and things outside of our control for our problems, craving attention/energy from others and using trauma stories to get it, attracting predatory manipulative people, being stuck in a cycle of complaining constantly to anyone who will listen, not taking responsibility to empower ourselves because of the unconscious rewards of being a victim, and perpetuating the cycle of feeling like prey in a world of perceived predators.
The reason I am writing this article is because I’ve experienced it on my own path to the point where it was crippling my mental health. I had no idea I even had a victim mentality and how it was demonstrated all around me and even promoted through the media. After having two kids and stepping out on my own as a single mom looking for where I could raise them and thrive, I grew most through the situations I let myself be traumatized by. Looking back, I could have had a much more optimistic and creative attitude towards my struggles, but I have no regret for the drama I created out of feeling like everything was or wasn’t happening to me. These moments had to build up to the point where I could clearly see how miserable they were making me so I could have the determination to finally take charge of my reactions and change them.
Moving to Ashland Oregon with more of a plan, a career, and uplifting outlook than ever before in my life, I slowly became acquainted with one of the probable reasons I was so attracted to this area. Over the years, I experienced what I refer to as Traumatized Single Mom Syndrome. I don’t recall ever meeting a single mom here that hasn’t been in a traumatizing relationship, and most still talk about and are affected by it. Is this one of those quiet epidemics that I haven’t seen enough remedies or even serious talk for?
Political division has gone way too far in Ashland, as well as most of the country it seems, and this has held us back from the many essential discussions and gatherings we need to prioritize. A mass proportion of traumatized moms raising children without emotional support is not acceptable, especially with all the resources we have to work with.
There are so many ways and reasons we need to collaborate and address this issue. When the children that are literally our greatest hope are being raised by parents who are struggling to find peace with their trauma as well as trustworthy love and support, how will our society improve or not get even more complicated and disconnected? More creative, organized activities for parents and kids to connect with each other and other families can happen. In fact, I’ve been hosting events and groups for years to encourage this. I cannot be the only one doing this though and people who seriously need support for their trauma resolution need to show up for connective family opportunities if they ever want to truly heal. We are not meant to parent alone. We know that we can step up our lives for our children and ourselves. It’s not worth living in habitual fear, loneliness, complacency, and apathy when all the power, dreams, happiness, and freedom we could ever want is simpler to obtain than our traumatized minds could ever let us imagine.
We are so much more than our minds. Our minds are easily programmable and manipulated. We have more powerful aspects of ourselves that we are meant to work in harmony with to be co-creators of everything around us, which is our greatest purpose. We must honor our energetic and physical bodies by giving our minds a break and focusing on activities that help us drop into our deeper elements.This means more time with our kids and on our own in nature and off our screens. This means more movement and less getting stuck in habitual positions. This also means more tuning in to what feels truly good to feed our bodies with (food and information).
Moms, we are more than our modern society has told us to believe. We know we are meant for more than what our trauma has replayed in our heads. We know that we deserve the best love for our individual needs, not relationships we’ve settled for because they were willing or convenient or felt good temporarily. We know that our children’s opportunities for wholesome, enriching growth out in the real world are worth more than the excuses we give for letting them live on screens and fill their bodies with junk. We know that we are our own greatest hope and our children will be affected by and even role model what we display. We know that being super self-critical is pointless and abusive and that the only way we will feel balanced is to be gentle and forgiving while taking one step at a time. We know that we’d rather lay out in nature with our friends and laugh about all the simple, healthy joys that keep our families nourished and feeling alive rather than complain about everyone who’s ever hurt us and our bad habits that we hate ourselves for. We know we are immensely strong creators of what we want because we have made it so far, often without the help of others.
Let’s remember that we have the most beautiful and bountiful gift we could ever receive: a breathing, functioning human body that is meant to be connected to and create with the natural world around it. We are the original magicians as mothers and healers, providing the basic needs for our tribes. What will your next interaction with others be like for you? Will you allow the trauma programming to seep into your thoughts or can you continuously create new neural pathways of childlike curiosity, trust in self, and simply grateful presence? I know all of us can!